29 March 2013

Sorting Saturday: Sorting through the tears


My morning started off pretty rough. We were scheduled to clean the church cemetery  - Holy Ghost Ukrainian Orthodox Cemetery - and so I got everyone up at 6 a.m. on their day off and we were in the car by 7ish so we were at the cemetery by 8 a.m. We were ... no one else was. So I walked around and took the photos I needed yet and I realized we have so many verterans in our parish. So many men - and some women too - gave their youth - and in at least one case his life - four our country and our freedom. I thought about this as I waited ... and waited ... and then called someone from church who the cleaning was - half awake - told me that the cleaning that was scheduled that morning had been cancelled.

As I drove us all the 20 miles back home, the girls all fell asleep in the back seat and I cried. I cried for so many reasons. I cried because I want so desperatley to serve our parish family and everything I have asked to do lately has been shot down. I cried because my part time job is not doing so well and things are getting financially tighter as I try to figure out how in the world to put the twins through college in a few years. They have so much potential. I cried because as I thought of their potential I realized why my mom hated me so very much. I cried because I realized what a disapointment I was to her. I am sure Daddy loves me but I am not sure my mother did. As I listened to the radio on the way home and thought about the morning news, I cried some more. Not because of the news itself but because I could have ...

I could have been someone who made a difference. I'm not sure if life got in the way or the biological clock started too early or if I was just scared. Scared to be alone in life. Scared of failing. Scared of disapopointing everyone more. Scared of succeeding ...

Those men and women in our cemetery with flags and markers at their graves ... I'm sure they were scared from time to time. Their stories though should be told. And so ... as I drove home I decided on a book idea. I have been playing with it for some time but I had not beed able to come up with a specific story.
Back home I listened to the news and read various media reports from Russia and England and China and Korea as well as ours here. I started an article for Examiner.com, where I write diabetes and prepping articles. This article is so much tougher than it should be. It is hard because I keep thinking of that book idea and because I am by no means a military expert. I had to google who was who in some of these Korean stories. However I do know about prepping and I know how to write in an informative tone.

Korea ... my thoughts though today keep going back to my late Uncle Pete. Peter Ruczhak fought in Korea. He was my granfather's youngest brother. The others who fought did so in World War II. Uncle Pete was born on 16 October 1932 in Coatesville, Chester County, PA. Uncle Pete enlisted on 10 February 1953 and served in the Korean War. He was released on 22 December 1954. Returning home, he was employed - like many young men in the Coatesville area - at the steel mill. He married Marianne Sherman in February of 1956 at St. Cecila's Roman Catholic Cemetery in Coatesville, Chester County, PA. They had two daughters. He passed on 19 April 2002.

And now that my thoughts have returned back round to the news concerning North Korea, I must finish my article! Although as I go to save this it dawns on me that despite the girls having off today, it is only Friday! I really liked this entry though and the title so my Sorting Saturday is done a day early ...

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you had a rough day. I've had those, too. The kind of day where something small sets you off and you are just plain sad. Sometimes it is good just to get it out! I'm sure you are doing great things, raising great kids and making a difference. Sometimes a good cry can help to clarify things and now you have a book idea. Good luck!

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  2. Thanks, Heather. I'm never sure if the cry sessions come more frequently because of the diabetes (I'm T2) or because of being menopausal or just because of life! Whatever the reason, they do make the good things better and I am very fortunate ... mostly! And you're right ... I have a book idea!!!! Thanks again.

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